In retrospect, Leo figured that all this was punishment for looking at porn when he should have been grading.
He’d thought that the actor’s face looked familiar: the perpetual scruff, the tousled brown hair, the sun-kissed copper of his skin. Maybe it had taken him a second to recognize who it was because, absent his trademark boots and scarf, and dressed only in scanty leathers, he could have passed for someone else. But once he realized who it was, the horror of discovery combined with the thrill of scandal kept his eyes glued to the screen.
Mendoza. Isaac Mendoza, member of his cohort and fellow advisee under Professor Gutierrez, was definitely and undoubtedly in a gay porn flick.
He should have closed the tab. He should have at least stopped watching. But all he could do was stare as Isaac swallowed down a thick cock and came up for air seconds later with a massive grin on his face, watch as Isaac moaned, face blissed out with pleasure as he arched his back, a muscular man pounding him in the ass.
God. God. The video had ended a while ago, but Leo’s heart was still racing, his hands were still clutching at the arms of his chair, and his hard-on was still tenting painfully against his slacks.
It was already 10 pm. He had thirty quizzes left to grade and recitation to lead at 9 am the next day. He should have shut off his laptop and gotten to work, or maybe gone outside for a breath of fresh air to cool himself down before returning to his desk.
Instead, he unbuckled his belt, palmed his cock, and pressed play again.
He couldn’t exactly look Isaac in the face again after not only discovering his side hustle, but also getting himself off to it. And avoiding Isaac was an ordeal, considering that they both shared an office and had biweekly advisee meetings together with Professor Gutierrez.
So he started spending a lot more time in Wilson Library and Davis Library. He knew that, when Isaac wasn’t in their office, he preferred to work in Graham Memorial Hall—it was cozier, Isaac said, and it was also one of the only places on campus where it was acceptable to nap. Leo lived just a few blocks from Franklin Street. It was noisy, but he’d found an affordable spot and liked that he could walk to campus, whereas Isaac lived far enough away that it wouldn’t be feasible for him to take the bus home and back just for a midday nap.
Leo managed to avoid Isaac for almost a month, calling out sick when they were scheduled to have their advisee meeting and emailing Professor Gutierrez his notes instead. But when you’re a grad student, even a campus as large as Carolina’s gets reduced to just your office, the libraries, and a couple classrooms. It was inevitable that he’d run into Isaac again.
Leo had left his copy of Mesthrie et al.’s Introducing Sociolinguistics in the office and needed to retrieve it before finalizing his lessons and assignments for the next week. He beelined to his desk, finger running along the spines on his shelf, and didn’t notice that Isaac was in until it was too late.
Leo froze. He’d always liked Isaac’s rich, soothing voice, but knowing now what other filthy sounds Isaac could make had his skin prickling with goosebumps. Polite social norms dictated that he should turn and greet Isaac as well, perhaps with a smile and definitely with eye contact, but Leo found that his body wouldn’t move.
Footsteps. Isaac had stood and come closer. Leo pulled Introducing Sociolinguistics from the shelf and clutched it to his chest, desperate for a barrier between himself and Isaac. When he whirled around, he found Isaac just this side of too close, every detail of him real and solid in a way that 1080p video couldn’t capture.
“Hi,” he said, then added, his voice dying in his throat, “Isaac. Um. How are you?”
“I’m fine,” Isaac said. He was dressed in a less outlandish outfit today: red flannel and jeans, although he was still sporting his ridiculous oversized belt buckle. He wasn’t wearing a hat today; instead, he had his hair tied in the tiniest of ponytails. Leo’s breath caught in his chest. He willed himself not to blush, but he wasn’t sure if that was something he could control with conscious effort.
“Good,” Leo said. “That’s. That’s good.”
Isaac hooked his thumbs in his pockets and shifted his weight to one foot. God, did he know how attractive he was? Probably, if he was willing to fuck in front of a camera. But was he conscious of it; was he trying to be this hot right now, or was this really that effortless for him?
“Listen,” Isaac said, biting his lip. Leo’s mind flashed to the image of Isaac doing the same as he was being fucked, as he had someone’s teeth on his neck, and God he couldn’t look Isaac in the eye. “Did I do something wrong? It’s just that you’ve been avoiding me, and I’ve been wracking my brains trying to figure out why; was it something I said?”
Leo couldn’t breathe. This close, he could smell Isaac’s aftershave, the soft scent of him; as Isaac tilted his head, Leo couldn’t help but stare at the long line of his neck, the curve of his throat. He knew what this man looked like naked. He knew what he looked like when he came.
“I…” Leo began, then stopped. He was a linguist and had completely forgotten how to string together a coherent sentence. He cleared his throat. “I…”
“You won’t hurt my feelings,” Isaac said, almost pleadingly. And that edge of his voice, that tone that had Leo recalling Isaac begging yes sir, please, I want it, undid him.
“I found your shoots. Online. Your. Adult films,” Leo said, words coming out in breathless bursts. He immediately regretted opening his mouth. He should have made something up, said he hadn’t been feeling well, and spared himself the mortification of Isaac’s blank stare.
The silence stretched on for too long between them. Part of Leo was yelling at him to run, but the rest of him was rooted to the spot, unable to escape Isaac’s gaze.
“And?” Isaac said at last.
“And… and what?”
A slow, shit-eating grin spread across Isaac’s face.
“Did you like them?”
Leo opened his mouth, then closed it again. What was he supposed to say? It felt impossible to lie under Isaac’s scrutiny, to either say that he hadn’t watched the shoot or that it didn’t do it for him. The train had already derailed, and there wasn’t any saving this wreck.
So he told the truth.
“Yeah, I… your shoots, they were… hot. Really hot.”
Leo had never been religious in a Christian sense, but at that moment, he wished for God to strike him dead on the spot.
“So,” Isaac said, shifting his weight to his other foot, his grin unfaltering. “You’re… what? Gay? Bi? Curious?”
Leo was pretty sure he’d forgotten how to breathe. He felt as if his entire being were screaming, as if he were clawing at the air, ready to burst from his skin with embarrassment.
“I…” Leo said, his voice coming out hoarse, “need to get to class.”
He turned and fled before he could see Isaac’s reaction.
Isaac was, in a word, insufferable. Now that they both knew each other’s secrets, Leo figured it wasn’t worth it to try to avoid Isaac anymore, though sharing an office with him didn’t become any easier. And whenever Isaac passed Leo, he would flash him a sly smile that irritated him as much as it aroused him, though Leo would never tell Isaac about the latter part.
The worst part was that Leo couldn’t stop himself from going through as much of Isaac’s back catalog as he could find. Beyond his attractiveness, there was a genuine enthusiasm to the way he performed, a sense that he was enjoying himself. He’d never asked Isaac why he got into porn—hell, they were both grad students; he knew the feeling of being broke as fuck—but he got the sense that it wasn’t just for the money. The man could spark chemistry with a rock, and even the cheesy twang of western music in the cowboy porn Isaac had starred in couldn’t dampen the sensations thrumming through Leo.
Leo had his favorite scenes, of course. The one with Isaac hogtied and blindfolded. The one with Isaac on his knees, his expression lustful and defiant even as he had a cock in his mouth. And the one he kept returning to again and again: the one with Isaac spread-eagled, shackled to a St. Andrew’s cross, an Asian man flogging him with a cat-o’-nine-tails, dominating him as Isaac begged for more.
It fascinated Leo. Entranced him, even. It wasn’t that he’d never seen men like him in porn before—it was more that, when he did, they were so often submissive, so often fetishized, their Asianness called out even in the fantasy of porn. To be allowed to dominate—to be allowed to simply exist as both an object and purveyor of desire, as a figure who could control without relying on fucked-up racial politics like he’d seen so many times before both in porn and in his own life—it was a heady feeling, the high of the impossible made real.
He wondered if Isaac saw him in that way, as a possibility instead of a stereotype, if he didn’t have to play up his differences to attract Isaac’s attention. He’d had it worse in undergrad, when he hadn’t yet learned what it meant to be marginalized: when he’d taken the catcalls of “nihao” and “love you long time” as compliments, when he’d taken the comments about having a small cock as a challenge to disprove. He wanted to say that his current dry spell was because grad school was keeping him too busy to date, but the reality was that he’d been burned too often to take the risk as freely as he did before.
And who knew if Isaac was even into him that way. He probably just liked getting a rise out of him.
Leo closed his eyes. He was in the office now, a pile of homework assignments stacked beside an even larger pile of exams that he had yet to grade. He had sympathy for the undergrads, but midterms were hell on him, too. He’d planned to leave campus by six and make a quick dinner for himself before getting back to work, but it was already eight and he didn’t feel like leaving with so little progress made.
He wasn’t sure when he fell asleep. He woke up with the corner of a textbook digging into his hands and something draped around him—something warm, soft, gently scented with a familiar cologne, and obnoxiously Carolina blue.
He tugged the item from around his shoulders. Only one person was gauche enough to take a scarf like this out in public and, as Leo blinked and looked around the office, the sleep still in his eyes, he found that that person wasn’t there.
Leo told himself that the reason why he took the scarf home with him instead of leaving it on Isaac’s desk was that it was cold outside and he’d forgotten his coat. He didn’t even try to explain to himself why he fell asleep later with the scarf still soft against his fingertips.
Leo didn’t understand Isaac’s obsession with college sports or the intensity of his investment in the Carolina–Duke rivalry. Leo had been born in China but raised in North Carolina since he was five, and his mother had graduated from Carolina, but he didn’t have much school spirit. His brother was going to NC State, but they didn’t bother to get one of those House Divided flags for their parents’ house. Meanwhile, Isaac was an out-of-state student from New Mexico whose first step in North Carolina was during his campus tour after his acceptance to UNC, and yet Leo could swear Isaac literally hissed when he discovered one of the other members of their cohort had gone to Duke for undergrad.
Either way, Leo had had to turn down the last three of Isaac’s invitations to social events, and he figured he should probably hang out at least once this semester before he became the class hermit. Watching the Carolina–Duke Final Four match with other people would be fairly chill, and he could always bail if things got awkward.
He’d stopped by Harris Teeter to grab a six-pack of IPA—if anything, the standard IPA joke at a party with linguists would be enough to break the ice and start a conversation—and got to the bus stop just in time to see the bus pulling away.
“Fuck,” Leo said. He checked his watch. He’d already been running about fifteen minutes late, and the next bus probably wasn’t going to get there for another twenty minutes. He sighed and pulled out his phone to send a text to Isaac.
Running a little late. Be there soon.
Before he could even lock the screen, a reply came in.
no worries darling, im saving a seat for u ;-*
Leo blushed furiously, tugged his scarf up over his cheeks, and glanced around to see if anyone at the bus stop had noticed how flustered he’d become. Thankfully, no one was paying him any attention. He refused to let himself dwell on Isaac’s use of a pet name or his emoticon choice, so he texted back the only reply he could think of.
Is your shift key broken?
Once again, the reply was immediate.
dont be prescriptivist
Leo scoffed, literally scoffed, as he read the text. As if he could. As if he would. He was a sociolinguist, for God’s sake; his whole deal was combatting prescriptivism in favor of descriptivism. He could text an essay back to Isaac and had started typing Actually when he decided to delete what he’d written in favor of a more succinct summary of his feelings.
Leo was, unsurprisingly, the last person to arrive at Isaac’s; there were already several empty beer bottles on the coffee table in the living room. Shruthi, who worked on proto-Indo-European, was curled up on one of the chairs; Olivia, who specialized in Chicanx English, was lounging on the couch next to her. The other two women introduced themselves as fellow residents in Isaac’s apartment complex: Melissa, a climatology grad student, and Zoë, a sports medicine grad student. Both of them also went to UNC.
“Jamie and Ron couldn’t make it tonight, but they say hi,” Melissa said, her voice perky and cheerful. She was short and fat, a contrast to Zoë’s tall, built figure, but they seemed cozy as could be as they lounged together.
Just as he promised, Isaac had an open seat beside him on the couch. The only seat open in the small room. Leo put down the six-pack of IPA and, praying that he wasn’t blushing, squeezed in beside Isaac. Their thighs were definitely pressed together, their shoulders occasionally bumping. Isaac was incredibly warm and, oh God, deep breaths; he could survive this.
“What did I miss?” Leo said, doing his best to focus on the TV and not on the fact that he would have to reach into Isaac’s lap to grab a handful of snacks from the bowl perched between Isaac’s thighs.
“Just us slaughtering Duke as usual,” Isaac replied. He had shaved today, Leo noticed; his facial hair was less unruly, more of an unfairly attractive five o’clock shadow. He wondered what it would feel like to run his fingers over the strong line of Isaac’s jaw. He turned his attention back to the television, doing his best to quell the sensations already beginning to thrum through him.
Zoë and Isaac were by far the most enthusiastic about the game, both of them constantly yelling, cheering, and pleading “come on, come on, come on!” Melissa watched with interest, cheering and clapping, while Olivia and Shruthi chatted and paid little attention to what was going on on the TV. Leo didn’t know much about basketball except that most shots were worth two points; he tried to ignore Isaac jostling him as he cheered and nursed his beer quietly.
At a particularly spectacular three-point shot that swished as the halftime buzzer rang, Isaac stood and whooped, the bowl of snacks tumbling out of his lap and spilling over Leo’s.
It took Isaac a moment to notice the mess, at which point Leo had already started to scoop the snacks back into the bowl.
“Oh God, sorry about that,” Isaac said. He knelt to sweep the snacks on the floor together and toss them in the trash. Then, before Leo could react, Isaac started sweeping snacks off of Leo’s lap.
Leo froze and held his breath. He thanked God that he was wearing jeans made of a thicker material today and hoped that they would hide it if his body… reacted. His head felt like it was full of white noise, and he couldn’t for the life of him string together a protest. Isaac was saying something, an apology maybe. Leo couldn’t tell if anyone was looking at them.
“I do have to say, though,” Isaac said, the words finally making their way through the fog clouding Leo’s brain, “you have some nice thighs.”
Leo choked. Finally back in control of his body, he swatted Isaac with the cushion beside him and tried his best to put the cushion nonchalantly on his own lap. Isaac laughed and winked at Leo, who did his best not to respond beyond the blush already involuntarily creeping across his face. He pondered chugging the rest of his beer and blaming his redness on Asian glow, but he was sure that Melissa, who was also Chinese, would see through that.
Melissa was the first to leave, apologizing as she gave Isaac a hug: “I wish I could stay longer, but I have a paper I have to work on—this was fun though!” Seeing their opportunity, Olivia and Shruthi also stood to leave. Olivia whispered something into Isaac’s ear as her eyes darted over to Leo. Isaac grinned as he gave her a playful shove.
“See ya, chico,” Olivia said, waving at Leo with a wicked smirk on her face. Oh God. Leo didn’t even want to know what she’d said. Shruthi’s expression was aloof as usual, but Leo swore a smile was kissing the curve of her lips.
Leo should have also gone at that point, but he found himself reluctant to, found himself loosening up and cheering with Isaac and Zoë as Carolina pulled back into the lead and widened their gap with Duke.
They were closing in on the last 90 seconds of the game. Zoë was on the edge of her seat, every muscle in her body tense; as the last ten seconds counted down, Isaac clung to whatever was closest to him, which happened to be Leo’s arm. Leo didn’t have the heart to pry him off. Part of him admitted that he was enjoying this.
When the final buzzer rang and the scoreboard flashed CAROLINA 98–DUKE 96, Isaac and Zoë both leapt up and cheered. Zoë pulled Isaac in and tousled his hair, clinking another bottle of beer with him as they both chugged them down; Leo smiled at them from his position on the couch.
“I should probably get back to Melissa,” Zoë said, setting her empty bottle down. “She gets grumpy if I’m not there to snuggle her before bedtime.”
“Aww, so sweet,” Isaac said. “Say hi to Ron for me, will you?”
“Sure thing,” Zoë said. She turned back to Leo and gave him a wave. “It was great meeting you, Leo.”
Which left just him and Isaac, who flopped back onto the couch and sprawled out, limbs long and loose. Leo hadn’t realized until now just how tipsy he was—not drunk, but comfortable enough to be slightly less of a tight-ass. He let himself relax into the couch a little, allowed his thigh to touch Isaac’s. They spent a few moments in awkward silence, Leo watching but not paying any attention as post-game commentary played.
“’S hot in here,” Isaac said after a while, undoing the top two buttons of his shirt. Leo’s mouth went dry as he watched Isaac’s fingers work, watched as he exposed a tiny sliver more of skin.
“Yeah,” Leo said, tearing his eyes away from Isaac and looking at his backpack instead. He unzipped it and rummaged around in it, then tugged out the obnoxiously Carolina blue scarf. “I, um, wanted to give this back to you.”
“Oh, I was wondering where that went,” Isaac said, sitting back up. He took the scarf from Leo, their fingers touching. Leo’s breath hitched. He hoped Isaac hadn’t noticed, but of course he had. Isaac leaned in, the scarf dropping from his grasp, his weight braced on his hands before him, his face close to Leo’s.
“Hey,” Isaac said, grinning. “You wanna make out?”
Leo’s lips parted. That would be a bad idea, part of him said, but the rest of him, the part that had been coaxed into being less of a tight-ass, ignored it as he finally let himself fall into his desire.
“God yes,” he breathed.
Things escalated quickly from there.
Isaac closed the gap between them, his lips surprisingly soft and gentle. The kiss was tentative at first, making Leo’s whole body tighten with anticipation. Isaac’s hand came up to rub Leo’s undercut, then entwine into Leo’s ponytail. He tugged at Leo’s hair, tilting his head to the side and exposing his throat. He traced kisses down his neck and nipped at the sensitive skin there, drawing a groan from Leo.
“Been wanting to do that for ages,” Isaac murmured against Leo’s skin. He flicked his tongue against him, making Leo tremble.
“Yeah?” Leo said, his voice barely above a whisper.
“Yeah,” Isaac said, pressing more kisses to Leo’s neck. A sudden fire blazed through Leo along with the acceptance that this was really happening, that Isaac had initiated this, that Isaac wanted this, too. Leo growled and seized Isaac’s hair, pulling him up, baring his throat to him as Isaac gasped.
“Same,” Leo said. He sucked bruising kisses into Isaac’s neck as Isaac clung to him, his breaths coming out ragged.
“Please,” Isaac whined. Leo let go of his hair, tugged at the lobe of his ear with his teeth.
“Please what?” Leo murmured. Isaac turned his head and caught Leo’s lips in a kiss again, this one more desperate, rougher, harder. Isaac was rutting slowly against him now, as if trying not to and failing. Leo ran his hands down Isaac’s back and palmed his ass.
“Want you to fuck me,” Isaac gasped as he broke away from the kiss.
“How bad do you want it?”
Isaac groaned and grabbed Leo’s hand, placed it on his crotch where Leo could feel his cock straining hard against his pants. The touch sent a thrill through Leo, made his head spin with the knowledge that Isaac wanted him, that he’d done this to him.
“Mmm,” Leo hummed. He pulled Isaac in close again, nipping at his lower lip, kissing him fiercely until they were both breathless.
“Take off my shirt,” Leo murmured.
“Yessir,” Isaac said, and if Leo weren’t hard already, that soft affirmative would’ve done it. Isaac pulled back and unbuttoned Leo’s shirt, his fingers deft; he tugged it off, biting back a moan as he revealed Leo’s tattoo and the shape of his nipple jewelry outlined by his undershirt.
“Fuck, you never told me you had ink,” Isaac said. “You need to stop being such a nerd and wearing long sleeves all the time.”
“Hush,” Leo said. “Take my undershirt off too.”
For all his cockiness, Isaac was very good at taking directions. He pulled up the hem of Leo’s undershirt, biting his lip as he admired Leo’s chest. He scooted down and kissed Leo’s shoulder, traced his lips along the curves of the art wrapped around his arm, and paused to skim over Leo’s nipple, the jewelry clacking against his teeth. He tugged at his nipple gently. Even that made Leo throw his head back, the sensation rushing through him.
“Fuck,” Leo breathed, letting his eyes fall closed. He thought his nipples weren’t all that sensitive, but Isaac was proving him wrong as he worked at one nipple with his mouth while pinching the other and letting the edge of his nails drag over it.
“What else do you have pierced?” Isaac asked, pausing to rest his cheek on Leo’s chest and look up at him. God, even a tiny show of affection from this man could undo him.
“Find out for yourself.”
“I’m excited to.”
Grinning, he slid off the couch to get on his knees before Leo, his hands making quick work of Leo’s belt and undoing his zipper. Leo couldn’t help the smug smirk that spread across his face when Isaac gave an appreciative hum at the sight of his cock, jewelry glinting in the light: a Prince Albert and four frenum piercings.
“Well?” Leo said, making Isaac look up at him.
“Put that pretty mouth to work.”
“Bossy,” Isaac said, licking a long line up the underside of Leo’s cock, pausing to suckle gently at his frenulum before taking him into his mouth. It took all Leo had to not thrust into Isaac’s throat, even though he knew he could take it. Goddamn, watching Isaac do this to other people could already make his skin burn with want, but actually having Isaac’s mouth on him, swallowing him down, head bobbing with enthusiasm—it was enough to make him see stars, to have his whole body tense with pleasure.
Isaac came up again, flashed Leo that perfect shit-eating grin, then inhaled deeply and took the entire length of him into his mouth. He stayed there, throat constricting as he looked up at Leo, who bit his knuckles to keep from crying out. When Isaac finally came up again, his chest heaved as he gulped down air, pride glinting in his eyes.
“Fucking hell,” Leo said, grabbing a fistful of Isaac’s hair. “Is that the best you can do?”
“No sir,” Isaac said, still grinning.
“Show me,” Leo said, pushing Isaac back down onto his cock. He held him there, fighting the urge to fuck Isaac’s throat as Isaac swallowed around him, his eyes watering. Fuck. His breaths were coming out hot and heavy, all the more pleasurable in their loudness because he knew Isaac had no way of breathing around his cock.
Isaac tapped against Leo’s thigh. Leo pulled Isaac up so that his back was arched, his chest thrust out prettily as he gasped for air, lips shining with spit.
“Such a good boy,” Leo murmured. With his free hand, he tugged at Isaac’s shirt until the buttons came undone, kept his grip on Isaac’s hair as he wriggled out of his top. He’d seen Isaac naked a hundred times, but always with a screen between them. Seeing him here, in the flesh, close enough for him to touch, with those beautiful brown eyes staring straight into his own—
“Still want more?”
This time, Leo didn’t hold himself back. He let himself fuck into Isaac’s mouth, the pleasure half from the physical stimulation, half from the power of using Isaac’s mouth like this, knowing that he liked it, knowing that he wanted him to do this. He sank himself all the way into Isaac’s mouth again, held him there, breath hitching as he looked at Isaac through half-lidded eyes. How Isaac could look pleased and smug even with a cock choking him… Leo groaned. He pulled Isaac back earlier this time, knowing that he could have kept Isaac there longer, but also painfully aware that anything more would make him come.
“Christ,” Leo said, finally letting go of Isaac’s hair and allowing his own head to fall back. Isaac rested his cheek against Leo’s thigh, his fingers stroking feather-light against Leo’s cock.
“I still want you to fuck me, you know,” Isaac said, his voice teasing. Leo covered his face with one hand.
“Give me a moment,” he replied. “Unless you want me to come the second I’m inside you.”
“Fine, fine,” Isaac said. He sat back and tugged the rest of Leo’s clothes off, then undressed himself as well, making sure to stand and turn, shimmying his hips as he pulled off his pants. Of course he was going commando; Leo really shouldn’t have expected anything else. The sight of his round ass made Leo groan, his cock twitching with interest.
“Come here,” Leo said. Isaac obeyed, sitting on the couch beside Leo. Before he could make a snarky comment, Leo shoved him down on the couch and straddled his legs, gripping their cocks together as he pinned Isaac’s arms up over his head with his other hand.
“You’re not to come unless I say you can, got it?” Leo said, stroking them together relentlessly. Isaac let out a sharp moan as he writhed under Leo, his face no longer cocky.
“I asked you a question,” Leo growled, his grip tightening almost painfully. Isaac let out a keening whine.
“Yessir,” he gasped.
“Good,” Leo said. “Next: Green for all clear. Yellow for slow down. Red for stop. Got it?”
“And,” Leo said, switching his grip so that he was only stroking Isaac now, “you’re only to call me ‘sir.’ Got it?”
“Yessir,” Isaac breathed. Leo could’ve come right there.
“Tell me now if there’s anything you don’t want me to do,” Leo said, leaning down to kiss along Isaac’s neck.
“No fluids except spit. Slap me only across my ass.” Isaac let out a long moan when Leo sucked at his nipple. “Don’t call me a slut or a whore. I’ll use the safe words for anything else.”
“Noted,” Leo said. He kissed Isaac’s hips, his pace smooth as he stroked Isaac’s cock, shifting his free hand to press down on Isaac’s stomach to keep him from bucking into his hand. “When’s the last time you came?”
“By yourself or with someone else?”
“What did you think about?”
“W-whether you were as filthy as I hoped,” Isaac said, voice catching on a moan.
“And?” Leo kissed the inside of Isaac’s thighs, nipped at him until he was squirming.
“God, you’re perfect,” Isaac said. “Please, sir, I’m close, can I—?”
“No.” Leo withdrew his hand, pressing the pads of his fingers harshly into Isaac’s hips as he cried out and bucked at the suddenly too-empty air.
“More,” Isaac said. “Please—”
Leo silenced him with another kiss, rough and punishing, swallowing down Isaac’s whimpers. He tugged at Isaac’s nipples, his entire body reacting to Isaac’s every cry and plea.
“Please,” Isaac whispered every time they broke apart, “please—”
And Leo would silence him again, crushing into his gasping mouth. He reached down to stroke Isaac’s cock, savoring Isaac’s moans as he writhed and fucked into his hand, relishing how loud Isaac’s mewls were when he parted from him to take his cock into his mouth.
“That’s good,” Isaac gasped. His freed hands twisted at the couch, then scrabbled to find their way to Leo’s hair, desperate to control the rhythm and coax him into going faster, deeper. Leo swatted Isaac’s hands away and pinned them back onto his chest, pausing to come up to speak, his tongue trailing on the head of Isaac’s cock.
“Only good boys get to come,” Leo said, tsking. “Any more of that and I might change my mind about even letting you come in the first place.”
“Please no,” Isaac groaned, tugging his hands from Leo’s and clutching firmly at the arm of the couch above him, well away from himself and Leo. “I’ll be good sir, I promise.”
“Mmm.” Leo sat back up, watching Isaac as he worked at him: his chest glistening with sweat, his knuckles white, his hair a mess, his expression submissive and lustful. Fuck, he almost wanted to let Isaac come now just to see that blissed out expression he loved, to hear the sinful sounds he made, but it was far too early for that. He wanted to bring Isaac as close to the edge as possible, to have him sobbing with want, his pleasure at Leo’s mercy.
“Gonna come,” Isaac said. “God, I’m gonna, please, please sir may I—?”
“Not yet,” Leo said, pulling away again and tugging hard at Isaac’s nipples, eliciting a yell of frustration and pain from him. Isaac turned his hips as if to start rutting against the couch, desperate for friction, but seemed to think better of it as he turned back and tried to hold still, quivering.
“You have lube and condoms?” Leo asked, rubbing circles into Isaac’s thigh.
Leo stroked himself languidly and watched as Isaac disappeared down the hallway, the view from the back just as delicious. Isaac reappeared moments later; Leo patted the spot beside him.
Isaac did as he was told—God, what else would he let Leo do to him? Leo reached up to cradle the back of his neck and pull him into another kiss, this one sweeter but still deep, the pleasure of it shooting through Leo as he kept stroking himself and ran his tongue along Isaac’s lips. Isaac moaned softly, letting Leo in; he dropped the condoms and lube and cradled Leo’s face in his palms, the gesture somehow more intimate than anything they’d done up to this point. Leo would switch from time to time, but even though he was being a dom with Isaac now, he still enjoyed the safety of this touch, the affection, the reassurance that Isaac was still into this.
Leo broke the kiss but held Isaac where he was, their faces close together, enough to amplify the intensity of Leo’s gaze.
“On your back,” he said.
Leo settled himself between Isaac’s legs and trailed kisses down his thighs, chuckling as Isaac canted his hips up at him and whined.
“So eager,” he said. “You want me that bad?”
“I’ve only been thinking about this since the first time I saw you,” Isaac replied, running a hand through his hair. “God, please, I can’t take it much longer.”
“I know you can,” Leo said, drawing a line with his tongue along Isaac’s inner thigh and stopping just short of his cock. He popped open the bottle of lube and slicked his fingers, circling around Isaac, his touch soft enough to draw sensation but not hard enough to satisfy.
“Come on,” Isaac pleaded, his voice just shy of desperate. Leo nipped at Isaac’s thigh as he pushed a finger into him, careful to sense Isaac’s response and not go too quickly. He glanced over at Isaac, watching his reaction as he crooked his finger. Isaac bit his lip and lifted his hips to meet him, mouth falling open as Leo worked at him and edged closer to the right spot.
“There,” Isaac gasped after a moment, tightening on him. Leo pressed slow, long strokes into Isaac, his cheek against his quivering thigh; he gradually deepened the pressure, quickened his pace, watching with pride as Isaac quaked, his body taut in his hands.
“Can you take more?”
Leo worked in another finger, watching as Isaac took in a shuddering breath and bit down on his fist, his hips moving rhythmically, spasming when Leo wrapped his free hand around Isaac’s cock and gave him a few slow strokes, his thumb slipping against the head, wet with pre-cum.
“Fuck,” Isaac said. His breaths were coming out irregularly now, at once a gasp and then a hitch, his moans bordering on frantic. “God, you’re gonna make me—you’re gonna make me—ahh—”
“Almost, but not yet,” Leo said, withdrawing both hands and holding Isaac’s thighs down as he thrust into the air, a choked sob wrenched from his throat, his hands flying up to clutch at his face.
“Fuck, you fucking bastard, I should’ve never invited you here, God, I just want to come—”
“But if you didn’t invite me, then who would give you what you want?” Leo said, relishing the tears brimming in Isaac’s eyes, the ragged frustration in his groan, the distressed way his hands had moved to clutch at his chest as if he were physically restraining himself from reaching down to finish the job himself. Leo laughed, the sound almost cruel, as he tore the foil of the packet and rolled a condom onto his cock. “You can hold out a little longer. I know you can.”
“I don’t want to,” Isaac said, petulant.
“I suppose I’ll be merciful today and skip making you beg for it, then,” Leo said, slicking his cock with more lube. “I’m tired of waiting, anyway.”
He guided himself into Isaac, a small fuck involuntarily passing his lips as he entered: Isaac was so hot, the sensation better than anything he could’ve done to himself, and Isaac’s soft moan, the way he ran his hands up and down Leo’s arms as he braced his weight over Isaac, lit every one of his nerves, made his entire body tingle.
He bottomed out and let himself stay there for a moment, breathing with Isaac. He leaned forward, peppering Isaac’s cheek with kisses that made Isaac hum appreciatively.
“Still okay?” Leo said, his voice gentler this time.
“Very,” Isaac replied. He was so gorgeous, warm and close and looking up at him with something almost like adoration. Leo kissed him softly, sighing as Isaac reached up to wrap his arms around him. He began moving then, slowly, doing his best to gauge how Isaac was doing.
“You’re not going to break me,” Isaac said when he parted from Leo. “Harder.”
Leo smirked, his forehead touching Isaac’s, whose gaze held all the spark and energy of a challenge.
“How can I refuse when you asked me so nicely?” Leo said. He thrust into Isaac then, hard, savoring how it made him cry out. He pushed his pace to something unrelenting, bordering on punishing, and watched as Isaac came undone, words falling apart into gasps and moans, into a babbling plea against the filthy noise of their sweat-slicked bodies pounding together. It was taking all of Leo’s control to keep the coil of pleasure inside him tightly wound, to make sure he didn’t come before Isaac did, even as the feeling engulfed him and rendered him breathless.
“Please,” Isaac said, and Leo would’ve almost missed the word for how soft of a whisper it was. Isaac gazed up at Leo, his eyes half-lidded, his hands tightening on Leo’s arms, a muffled sob of pleasure escaping him as Leo hit the spot inside of him that made him shudder. “I can’t hold out any longer, I can’t, I can’t—”
“You’ve been so good,” Leo said, tracing a thumb along Isaac’s lower lip, running the back of his hand along the stubble lining Isaac’s jaw.
“Please,” Isaac begged, even more softly. Leo reached down to stroke Isaac’s cock again, drinking in the sight as Isaac threw his head back.
“Look at me when I’m fucking you,” Leo commanded. Isaac snapped his head back up, his gaze pleading, his whole body so tightly wound that Leo knew he couldn’t form a word even if he desperately wanted to. Having Isaac like this would just as well plunge Leo over the edge, break him too; he mustered the last of his control to say, “Go ahead then. Come for me.”
Isaac needed no further encouragement. He quaked and shouted, going boneless as he came over his chest, cum streaking his skin, his whole body still trembling as Leo came after him. Leo let himself bask in the sensation for several breaths afterward, his hips still grinding gently against Isaac’s. The sound of their inhales and exhales washed over them as Leo came down from the high, his head still spinning.
“God,” Leo said, his arms shaking as he withdrew from Isaac and stood on wobbly legs. “Where’s your bathroom?”
“Stay,” Isaac grumbled.
“I’m not going anywhere. Just give me a second to get us cleaned up first.”
“Down the hall, first door on the right,” Isaac said, gesturing vaguely in the general direction of the hallway. Leo made his way to the bathroom and discarded the condom; he washed his hands and ran one of the hand towels under warm water before wringing it out.
“Back,” Leo said, running the towel over Isaac’s chest, careful not to be too rough against his oversensitive skin. “How are you doing?”
“Real good,” Isaac said. Leo put the towel aside as Isaac yawned. “Really, really good.”
“I’m glad.” Leo smiled at him, daring to let affection warm his chest. “Do you need water or a snack?”
“Just water is fine,” Isaac said. “Thank you.”
Leo went to the kitchen, opening and closing cabinets until he found a glass that he filled with water and brought back to Isaac, who pushed himself up with effort and drank the entire glass. Leo took the cup from him and set it on the coffee table, then laced his hand with Isaac’s, giving him a gentle tug.
“Get up, or else you’re going to fall asleep on the couch.”
“’S cozy though,” Isaac said, his voice already growing heavy. “And my room is a goddamn mess.”
“I don’t care,” Leo said. “Come on. Up.”
He tugged again at Isaac, who stood with a long-suffering whine and allowed Leo to push him down the hallway. Isaac flopped onto the unmade bed and refused to move even as Leo rolled his eyes and climbed over him to the other side, dragging the blanket up over them with him. He spooned up to Isaac and kissed his shoulders while rubbing his back.
“What do you need from me now?” Leo said, his voice soft and soothing, all trace of cruelty or harshness gone. Isaac pressed closer to him and turned his head back for a gentle kiss.
“Cuddles,” Isaac said. “Plus telling me how good I was.”
“So good,” Leo said, wrapping his arms more tightly around Isaac. “Gorgeous. The best I’ve ever had.”
“Aww,” Isaac said, burying his face further into the pillow. They lay like that for a while, breaths evening out in the silence. Leo thought Isaac had fallen asleep and was about to drift off himself when Isaac turned, the sheets rustling.
“You don’t mind me doing porn, then?” he asked, his tone careful and tentative.
“Am I supposed to?” Leo said, genuinely puzzled. After all, the porn had been what had gotten them in this situation in the first place. He wasn’t the jealous type; if anything, knowing that others appreciated Isaac made him all the more pleased.
“Guess not,” Isaac said, pressing a kiss to Leo’s jaw. “Some people are weird about it is all.”
“Fuck them,” Leo said, then added, “or not.”
Isaac snorted. Leo pecked him on the cheek before letting his eyes flutter shut, his breathing evening out with Isaac’s as they both fell asleep.
Leo would have stayed longer the next morning, but he had a paper to finish, a project to start, and several more assignments to grade. Isaac pouted but made no real protest, giving Leo a kiss on the cheek—“My morning breath is awful, trust me”—before letting him leave.
It was only when Leo was on the bus that the reality of the previous night really sank in. He didn’t regret it, but, as daylight dappled the road and the familiar buildings of campus came into view, he began to wonder if it had been a bad idea.
He pulled out his phone, which still had enough battery to survive until he got back home. He tapped on the Messages icon and paused, staring at his brother Gene’s name, before finally opening the thread and typing.
So… you know how it’s a bad idea to fuck your coworkers?
It was 10 am on a Saturday, which usually meant that Gene would still be asleep, but his sixth sense always honed him in on hot gossip, so of course he replied immediately.
Leo paused, considering his words carefully before tapping out another message.
Do fellow grad students count as coworkers?
He swore he had just hit send when the reply came in.
His phone buzzed, the Kill Bill siren—his ringtone for Gene—blaring far too loudly in the bus. Leo fumbled before managing to hit the answer button.
“Good morning, didi,” Leo said, bracing himself.
“Ge, you’re the one who told me not to shit where I eat,” Gene said by way of reply.
“So is that a yes?”
He could almost see Gene throwing his arms up in exasperation.
“Bro,” Gene said, sighing. “It’s not that it’s an inherently bad thing to fuck a coworker. I’m just saying, if things go bad, are you really okay with potentially being around them for another, what, four, five years?”
Leo opened and closed his mouth, doubt beginning to creep back in.
“Good luck, bro.” A pause. “Was it good, at least?”
Leo coughed and cleared his throat. “Uh. Very.”
“I’m happy for you about that, then. Maybe now you’ll look less grumpy.”
“You know as well as I do that it’s just resting bitch face.”
He could hear Gene rolling his eyes from here. “Trust me, there’s resting bitch face, and then there’s hasn’t-gotten-laid-in-years-probably.”
“I’m hanging up now.”
“Love you too.”
Leo spent the rest of Saturday vacillating between feeling fine and feeling as if he’d just singlehandedly wrecked the Carolina linguistics department. That was a bad decision, Leo thought as he put together notes for his paper. Then he thought about Isaac’s expression, desperate and needy, wrecked and undone, and had to take a moment to deal with his raging hard-on. He couldn’t even bask in the afterglow of his orgasm, though. The voices telling him that he’d made a mistake crept back in: a million things could go wrong between them, and there was nowhere to escape to. Professor Gutierrez was the only one with a suitable enough background to advise on Leo’s Asian American English thesis and Isaac’s Spanglish thesis. Leo mentally went through the other faculty, but none of them would really be able to provide feedback and guidance on the work that Leo wanted to do.
God. Leo covered his face. It had been a bad decision, but, at the same time, the thought of Isaac looking at him, seeing him, demanding nothing of him except the persona Leo wanted to be anyway, the part of him that wasn’t a flimsy exterior built to cater to someone else’s fetish—it was unlike anything he’d ever felt before.
And he liked Isaac, beyond all that. Liked Isaac’s honey-warm voice, his cocky, self-assured attitude, his confidence, his humor, liked the fact that he didn’t give any fucks about what other people thought and would wear a massive belt buckle and a Carolina blue scarf if he damn well wanted to. Liked that he could be social like some kind of normal person but also rattle off linguistic theories and tear apart academic arguments without breaking a sweat.
He had it bad.
He made himself put away his phone and get a good night’s sleep before making any decisions.
Sunday morning found him calm and clear-headed, the usual panic he should have felt gone. He rolled over and picked up his phone, hesitating only for a moment before typing a message.
Was thinking of going out for lunch today. Want to come with?
He set the phone back down, willing himself not to expect anything. He could pretend it all meant nothing and was just a one-time thing. But before he could let himself get lost in his thoughts, his phone buzzed.
sure 🙂 noon okay?
He smiled with relief and typed back a quick reply.
It’s just lunch, he told himself, but he still spent an excessive amount of time digging through his clothes to put together a decent outfit. He settled on his soft black tee printed with Colorless green ideas sleep furiously in letterpress-style typography and a nice pair of gray pants, plus a jacket.
His nervousness vanished as soon as he saw Isaac leaning against the railing, his hair falling into his eyes, hat shading his face. He hadn’t noticed Leo yet, giving him a chance to drink in the sight before walking up to him.
“Hey,” he said. Isaac grinned.
“Hey, hot stuff,” he replied.
This was… good. Comfortable. They fell into conversation easily, not so much as if nothing had happened, but more with a closeness that hadn’t existed previously. Leo discovered that Isaac liked going to the shooting range—“You and me, loser buys drinks”—and that, although Isaac had been reluctant to admit it at first, he had impeccable taste in obscure anime.
It wasn’t until they were standing outside again, their backs to a red brick wall as they continued to chat about nothing in particular, that Leo decided, fuck it. He’d suppressed his wants and kept his walls up for long enough. Bad decision or not, he wasn’t going to let a good thing pass him by.
He fell quiet.
“Leo?” Isaac said, tilting his head. “Everything okay?”
“More than okay,” he said, pulling Isaac in for a kiss. Isaac let out a surprised noise before melting into it, his hands coming to a rest on Leo’s hips.
He could get used to this.